They’re the hard-working professionals tasked with teaching our kids their ABCs, but these teachers have seen their fair share of slip-ups… of their own. Here are some of our favourite embarrassing teacher confessions…
Regurgitate after me
During my first year of teaching, I was pregnant and suffering from a terrible bout of morning sickness. I’d been on a winning streak when it came to making it to the bathroom on time, but my luck only lasted so long and I ended up puking in the classroom dustbin. I wiped my mouth with a tissue and lifted my head to see a horrified group of Grade Twos looking back at me.
One morning a Grade 0 learner came up to me with a huge grin on her face and said her dad had been vomiting all night. I asked if he was sick and she said, ‘No, Mom says he drank too much wine.’ Concerned I asked her if he drinks every day. ‘No, only when Granny visits.’ Trying to keep a straight face, I told her that I hope he feels better soon.
Read more: 9 hilarious confessions from bad moms
Slip of the tongue
At the start of class, I told a group of high school students to take out their textbooks so that they could do their ‘sexercises’. I was never allowed to live it down.
The blame game
I’d had a spicy lamb curry for dinner that didn’t sit right with my stomach the next day. With non-stop classes all morning, I eventually couldn’t hold it in anymore and let out what I thought would be a silent fart. Of course, it came out with an unmistakable toot. Thankfully the kids didn’t suspect a thing; they all started blaming each other so I got away with it.
If there’s one thing I dread as a teacher it’s marking. I had a pile of it sitting on my dining room table and I decided the only way I was going to get through it all was with wine. Halfway through my first glass, I knocked the contents all over a set of Grade Nine papers. I told the students that it was just grape juice. I don’t think any of them believed me.
My class and I were discussing different clothing throughout the ages. I mentioned that women wore corsets during the Victorian era, but many of my students didn’t know what one looked like. Trusting Google, I plugged ‘corset’ into the search box and a whole whack of Victoria Secret models came up on the classroom projector. I made a quick scramble to close the tab, but this only made my students laugh harder.
My Grade Ones were learning about jobs, and they had to tell me a little bit about what their parents do. One student told me his dad plays golf – and sometimes he is a dentist.
I got a new desk chair delivered to my classroom, but it was in pieces in a box. Instead of waiting for the handyman to come round and put it together, I decided to do it myself while the students worked on their projects. After twirling it around with a hand, I thought I’d done a pretty good job and tested it out. I sat down and the seat of the chair flew out from underneath me.
Many years ago, there was a little girl in my playgroup who rain or shine would always wear an elaborate frilly dress with her hair full of bows. Her mom gave the impression of being well-organised and precise. She was playing with a Barbie doll and asked me to help her undress the doll when she blurted out, “My mom has boobies like that but they hang”. I found it difficult to look her mom in the eye when she fetched her at home time.
PJs all day
I used to get home from the college where I teach well before my son. I relished the moment when I could change out of my work clothes and into my pyjama pants when I got home. When it was time to pick him up, I’d jump in the car without changing back into a normal pair of pants. All I ever had to do was hoot and he’d come running to the car.
One day, however, he just stood there frozen and ignored me. I hooted again. He still did not come to the car. I hooted again and gestured for him to get in, but still no response. Annoyed I hooted again and shouted for him. Eventually, he slowly walked towards the car, dropped his shoulders, sighed and said, “Mommy, did you forget that you have an appointment with my teacher this afternoon?” There I sat in the teacher’s classroom in my pyjamas. It’s now six years later and he is still embarrassed.
Once, I did an art activity with the kids where they traced their bodies onto a large piece of paper. Thinking that everyone understood where I was going with the project, I proceeded to tell them that they must go and paint themselves. One boy took this literally. Before I knew it he was lying down on a bench painting his tummy red.