Met someone new and feeling flirty? Here are our essential tips and tricks to get your body language en point and ensure the start of a love that lasts.
1. Take the 60-second compatibility test — Chat to someone for 10 minutes, then secretly ask yourself the following questions (don’t think too much about the answers):
- Would you like to kiss this person?
- Would he get on with your best friend?
- Would you like to have his child?
- Would you like to see more of this person?
Your knee-jerk reaction will reveal more than you think.
2. Watch the way they fondle the furniture
- Sometimes, we try to make contact through an immediate object. The person who grabs hold of the back of the chair you’re sitting on, or puts an arm along the back of the couch behind you, is trying to get close. The message: they’re too scared to touch you or they’re testing to see what could happen if they did.
3. Don’t make classic mistakes
- Make too much eye contact and you’ll be seen as superior, threatening or adoring. Too little sends shy, insincere or not-interested signals. Lowering your eyes briefly is a great flirting move, but leave them down there and you’ll appear submissive. If someone avoids looking at you, don’t assume it means a lack of interest. You could be discussing a difficult subject or they might be in awe of you.
4. Do believe body language over words
- If there’s a choice, people will nearly always believe the body. ‘I hate you,’ said with a cheeky look, tipped chin and sexy smile actually means the opposite. ‘I don’t fancy her’ doesn’t hold much weight if the person casts long frequent glances at that person.
1. Leave a lasting impression
- Don’t ruin a great entrance by blowing it on departure and making a fuss about leaving. Insist on saying loud goodbyes to everyone and you’ll look insecure and desperate to be included next time. Whatever you do, don’t look back when walking out. If people are watching you exit, they’ll admire you even more if you don’t glance back anxiously.
2. Colour people’s perceptions
- The colour you wear and where you wear it are all highly significant. A siren-red sweater worn under a suit to a business functions suggests confidence and power, a red miniskirt worn to meet your partner’s parents suggests stupidity.
3. Don’t forget to move
- Confident people change positions once every two or three minutes, altering their weight and moving subtly and smoothly into new postures. The trick is to think energetically without moving too rapidly or fidgeting. (Easier than it sounds!)
4. It beats botox
- Wage war on wrinkles the cheap, pain-free way: hang around someone adorable. When we look at someone we like, our faces relax, soften and glow; harsh lines fade and we look younger. It works a treat long term, too. When we’re conscious of people watching our face, we adjust our expressions to look perky. But before long they soon fall into the facial position we assume most of the time. If you’re mostly happy, that won’t be a problem, will it?
1. Don’t turn up late for a date
- Time is a powerful non-verbal communicator — the more important you are, the less likely you are to have to wait. People of higher status keep others waiting — people of lower status don’t dare to. It doesn’t matter if you couldn’t find your keys or a friend phoned you on the way out, the message you send if you’re late on a date is: ‘This isn’t important to me. I don’t care as much as you do.’
2. Psychologically strip
- It’s a what-you-see-isn’t-necessarily-what-you-get technique. Once you’ve established a certain image on the date, peel back a layer to reveal a totally unexpected side to yourself. Ms Innocence who turns out to be quite feisty. The career girl who turns out to be shy. We all like to think we know the ‘real’ person, and hidden depth is attractive.
3. Look beneath the mask
- If someone feels stiff and oddly false, keep them talking and watch for ‘micro expressions’ — fleeting glimpses that give away how they’re really feeling. Shy and unsure people do what’s called ‘masking’ — a false expression deliberately composed to disguise the (usually inappropriate) expression (like fear, insecurity) behind it.
4. Get them to lie down
- A picnic with both of you on a rug isn’t just romantic and sexy, it’s the best way to get someone to open up. We get more and more reflective because we’re less inclined to move, leaving us more likely to concentrate and be more responsive to new suggestions.